the death of the one heroes of 1988

Much like a long forgotten distant cousin that you found out had died a slow painful death several years after the fact, I felt a similar pang when I saw the last coffin nail hammered into the coffin of one of the heroes of 1988 the other morning on campus. I saw a sorority-type girl wearing a Gorilla Biscuits zip-up hooded sweatshirt, talking on her cell phone to her sorority big sister about how that it was cool that her new hoodie matched the shoes she just bought off Delias.com. ( I kid you not.)

For those of my faithful reading several not in the know, Gorilla Biscuits were among the forerunners of a group of hardcore punk rock bands, who all formed in or around 1988,  that brought a new vital energy to a then dying art form. (Never mind the fact that it is debatable that the art form in question was worth saving in the first place.) Hardcore now had a new rallying cry: unity!

Much like the eerily similar christian religous sects offshoots of the past, 1988 hardcore was a great idea, even though it’s built in elitism and the remarkable zealousness of its followers produced nothing remotely resembling the ideals they proclaimed from underground concert stages of the American east coast. Unity in the hardcore punk rock scene is a great idea, yes, but like communism, it only sounded great on paper and in the mosh pit.

For me, the first real sing of decline of one of the heores of 88 was in 1994/5 when former Gorilla Biscuits singer, Civ, started his self monikered band and hit the lower top 40’s with the  catchy song ” I Can’t Wait One Minute More” which was off the sorta okay “Set Your Goals” album.  Now, personally, I had no problems with CIV selling out and scrapping the bottom rungs of the American Top 40 with Casey Casem, I mainly took offense that every other song on that album had the same Burundi drum playing pattern. Even Adam Ant had the sense to give up Burundi drum playing patterns early on in his career, why could’nt CIV figure this out for himself? It was no wonder that they were dropped from their record label, Atlantic records, shortly afterwards.

Oh, Gorilla Biscuits, your greatness shall be missed.

Gorilla Biscuits, true heroes of 88 (1988-2007) R.I.P.

jareddriskill

stop asking

Let’s get this clear before anyone else asks me again:
No, I do not want to see your shitty metalcore band with a name that is at least 2 paragraphs long play a show and review it for my website.

No, I do not want to go to see said show in some crowded basement or rented space with a bunch of loud, sweaty, chain smoking underaged drinkers.

No, I feel no sympathy for “the scene” when someone stops holding house shows in their homes. You end up tearing shit up in the house or rented space because you don’t have to pay to fix the damage that you cause and then wonder why people can be so “uncool” to stop having shows when the repair bills get too high. Or, you get upset at the landlords who evict people who hold house shows on rented property.

If you want house shows to continue in “the scene” go buy yopurself a piece of property and make those who attend shows there legally responsible for the shit that they tear up.

Other than that, I wish you nothing but luck with your sloppy sounding, poorly executed, go nowhere, rehashed speed metal band.

jareddriskill

random item tuesday

1. I have to admit, spending Thanksgiving away from your family can be the best. Now hear me out, you end up getting invited to dinner by people who feel sorry for you because you are away from your family and when you are at their home, they treat you like royalty. Afterwards, you go home with a big stack of left overs and you don’t have to help with the dishes or anything. (I don’t think I have ever had it so good!) I think I have inadvertently stumbled upon a new semi regular jareddriskill tradition.

I advice as many of you to skip hanging out with your family next year ( lie, if you have to) so you can see what I mean. Of course this scam probably works best if you are single and you get invited by a person who is a great cook. But you married people can get invited by a lousy cook and tell me how it works out for you next year.

2.  I was sitting down before class yesterday afternoon and I was looking at my arms (No one ever seems to want to chat it up with the “old man” before class, so I decided to examine the condition of my arms) and I noticed that how uneven the skin tone of my arms is. Jesus! Some parts are tan-ish, some parts look vaguely jaundiced and some parts look pink and smooth like a newborn baby’s. My hands are even worse: covered with all sort of work related, sheet metal induced scars and scrapes.

No wonder no one ever talks to me at school, my arms and hands look like freaks! Don’t blame me if I decide to wear long sleeves and gloves on a exclusive basis.

3. How many times could Bravo play the first two episodes of the new season of Project Runway this past holiday weekend? I think the correct answer is about 9 billion. Don’t worry, I faithfully watched each and every single repeat.

I really need to get out more.

jareddriskill

An Inconvenient Book review

Glenn Beck/An Inconvenient Book: Real Solutions To The World’s Biggest Problems/ Threshold Press, 2007

Okay, I’ll admit it, I have to listen to talk radio at work and I really don’t mind most of the time, being vaguely halfway conservative myself. I actually like Glenn Beck, he comes across as a humble, regular guy who just happens to have his own radio talk show and he doesn’t always follow the republican party talking points of the day, which is refreshing in itself. For the past few weeks Glenn Beck has been hyping up “An Inconvenient Book” on his radio show, as if it was more important the holy bible itself. After reading the book, I have to say: it is.

I mean, does the bible address diverse issues such as illegal immigration, political correctness, global warming, the school system, blind dates, and marriage and divorce? Well, yeah, the bible does cover the last two topics, but it does so in such archaic manner. (You’d figure that for a book written by god, you’d think he would be omnipresent enough to cover all the bases.)

Glenn Beck also realizes that “the world’s biggest problems” aren’t always international political concerns, they could be things that affect our day to day lives, such as tipping, the minimum wage and dealing with the homeless. In fact, I believe that Glenn Beck was looking at my website when he wrote those three chapters because we have the same opinions on these three topics. ( To quickly recap for the sake of brevity: only tip for good service in restaurants, and not because it is expected of you. Those servers who expect, and not earn, their tips always do a lousy job. If you are over the age of 25 and still earning the minimum wage, there is something very wrong with you. Fuck the “career” homeless, they only want your hand out to get high.)

Unlike the bible, Glenn Beck also provides lots of fun charts and entertaining graphics to illustrate the research that he used to back up his opinions. Which is a far cry from the ever so boring “thou shalt because I am god, do not question me” that the bible uses. Jesus, that god is such an egomaniac!

Yes, Glenn Beck has indeed, written a book that is better than the bible itself! However, I wouldn’t act in haste and go start a new religion based on “An Inconvenient Book” though. Glenn Beck’s greatest fatal flaw is the fact that he claims to be a mormon. Oh, that is such a waste.

jareddriskill

part 1

Welcome to the first in an irregular series at jareddriskill.com called “animal cruelty from animal lovers,” in which I expose the hypocritical actions of those who claim that they “love” animals.  I believe that this attitude is humorous in its own sad way, kinda like when I laugh my ass off at the dumb ass owners of pets but at the same time, am sadden at the condition of said pets whenever I watch “Animal Cops” on Animal Planet.
Now, I’m hardly an animal lover myself and I have no overt agenda to push with this series, but I do believe that if I somehow came into the procession of an animal, I shall do the responsible thing and at least take care of the thing. Some people, apparently, do not feel the same way…

Spending Thanksgiving house sitting for my dad brought back to my memory that people who live out in the country think that it is perfectly alright to let their pet Dogs roam around aimlessly with no supervision at all. Also, their owners think it’s okay to allow their pets to trespass onto others peoples property, cause untold property damage and eat their garbage. (Supposedly, owners of country dogs don’t think it is acceptable to ever feed their pets either. Nor do they worry about being legally responsible for the actions of their roaming pets.)

When I first moved to Virginia 10 years ago or so, I lived at my dad’s house. I didn’t own a vehicle at the time and the only means of getting to and from work, most of the time, was walking the three miles, each way, to the place of my employment. (You gotta do what you gotta do to make it in this world.) I recall that about half way through my trip each day, that there was a mangly looking golden retriever who would run up to me, growl and bare his teeth. Noting that he looked hungrier and hungrier and more disparate each time that I saw him, I only knew that it was a matter of time before he would try to take a bite out of me. So before I reached the point of my journey where I would run into the said dog, I would pick up a empty beer bottle from the ditch. (People in the country also think it is acceptable to litter.)

Not two days after I started to pick up beer bottles, the dog tried to jump at me. I swung the beer bottle at it’s snout and broke out a few of it’s teeth. The dog stepped back, bleeding, and started to rear up for another lunge at me. With the now broken beer bottle in my hand, I stabbed it repeatedly in it’s side until some guy, the dog’s owner, ran out and demanded to know “what da hell” was going on.  The owner, as it turned out, got a sick kick out of watching his dog growl at me everyday and was eagerly awaiting the day that his dog would try to maul me. (I don’t blame the dog for it’s actions, it’s owners neglect and sick desire is what drove him to it.) I turned to the owners direction and pointed the broken and bloody beer bottle at him and radiated pure evil at him. After that incident, I never saw that particular dog again, I figured that I had probably killed the dog or that the owner was so afraid that I would kill him (the owner, not the dog) for being such a sick fuck, and learned to kept him in check.

Of course, over the years, this wasn’t the only story about roaming dogs where my dad lives. My dad used to jog with a inch thick dow rod with 16 penny nails sticking out of it because dogs would try to chase or attack him. There were plenty of one eye mutts walking around, but it eventually got to the point that my dad had to quit jogging because there were just too many dogs to fight off.

Just this past Thanksgiving break, I noticed that one of my dad’s neighbor’s 80+ pound rottweiler would roam onto my property cause general damage. One afternoon, the dog came onto the property again doing his own thing like he had full run of the place. I went outside and grabbed the aluminum baseball bat on the back porch that my dad leaves there for this exact purpose and tried to chase the dog off property. The dog ran off… for about 10 yards and then stopped, turned and growled at me in defiance. Uh-oh.

It was when I saw the fur standing up on the back of his neck that he wasn’t wearing a collar.  Since I take zero pleasure in hurting animals that are trying to hurt me, (but I have no such qualms about defending myself if the need arises,)  I dropped the bat down to my side to show it that I wasn’t a “threat” in the hopes that the dog would just leave without incident. A few minutes roll by and the dog is still growling and it is beginning to inch up to me. I waited till he got up close to me and tried to snap at me with his teeth before I clobbered him on the top of it’s skull with full force with the baseball bat. The dog was knocked out cold.

Of course, after I had clobbered the dog, his owner came running up to me shouting because I hurt his beloved dog. (Why is it whenever dog owners see that their dog is about to maul somebody, they take no action until after it’s all said and done, thus, making them even more liable for any damages caused?) If you “love” your dog so much, why don’t you try to prevent this event from happening?

So, if you live out in the country and happen to own a dog: 1. Please make sure your dog is fed on a regular basis so that it won’t be as likely to go into other people’s property and cause damage looking for food.  2. Make sure that your property is fenced off so that it won’t be as easy for for dog to escape and cause trouble. 3. Be sure that your dog wears some sort of official identification. (No, your ratty looking Harley Davidson bandanna tied around it’s neck does not count.) 4. If you know that your dog is trespassing onto other people’s property and causing damage and you do nothing about it, you could be sued and or have you dog taken away from you 5. If you know that your dog is about to attack somebody and you don’t do anything to prevent it, you can be sued and/or your dog can be rightfully harmed or killed by the person being attacked. (If the person being attacked is anything like me, hurting or killing the dog does takes an enormous emotional toll.)

These 5 suggestions aren’t THAT hard to follow, though they do take a little bit of effort on your part (and we all know how lazy most people really are,) but if you truly “love” your pet and actually care about it’s “safety,” then it’s a really small price to pay.

jareddriskill

week 32

There is no Best of Soul Trian on WGN this week. I know, I’m crushed too.  According to the handy WGN  tv schedule on their website,  they are playing a Chicago Bulls Basketball game and then playing The Man In The Iron Mask afterwards and Soul Train does not appear on their schedule at all until next Saturday. Seeing how it is a holiday weekend and all, I have decided to cut WGN some slack on the issue.

I do have a back up plan. I can try to stay up to 3 in the morning and see if those ass monkeys at WRIC TV 8  here in Richmond will play the episode in it’s entirety. Which is very doubtful when you consider their track record with preempting the show for no particular reason. But don’t hold your breath or anything.

*sigh* It’s just as well, I’m still too bloated with turkey to do any dancing this week anyways.

jareddriskill

random item tuesday (on monday)

I know it is Monday, but after tonight I will be house sitting at my fathers house for the Thanksgiving break and I will not have easy access, if any, to a computer until sometime later next weekend. As a result, there will be no new postings this week. I know that some of my faithful reading several will be disappointed, but there isn’t much that I can do about it.

1. A brief bit of website business. As evidenced with my Duran Duran record review yesterday, I have decided, in the future, to write album reviews in single doses instead of waiting until I have bought three albums and then review them all at once,which takes too long. Also album reviews will no longer will be restricted to current releases anymore, either. Because I tend to buy older albums more often than I do newer ones.

2. Thanksgiving stories… Oh, here’s one. Before Thanksgiving break in the 5th grade, my class had a “fun” spelling bee in which we raced or dueled, boys against girls, by writing the words given to us on the black board. I never usually got far in spelling bees, but in this one I had somehow made it to the very end. The only thing standing before me and victory for the boys was a certain Emily Howard. For the final word and the victory, our teacher, Mrs. Cindy Duncan (5th grade, Walton Elementary, Prince George, Virginia. That’s right, I’m calling her out by name because I can be petty like that.) told us to spell the word “Thanksgiving.”

I had spelled the word all proper, which was “Thanksgiving,” captialized because Mrs. Duncan had the insane notion that all nouns, proper or not, had to be capitalized no matter where they fell in a sentence. ( You just gotta love the public education system!) Emily Howard, however had spelt the word “ThanksGiving” which was technically wrong, because she had capitalized the “G” in giving. All the boys cheered me on to my apparent victory.

However, Mrs Duncan informed me that the way I had spelled the word was wrong, because “Thanksgiving” was a compound word and thusly, “Giving” had to be capitalized (yet another insane notion of hers) and gave Emily Howard, and the girls, the victory. This was total bullshit because I had never seen the word spelt in such a retarded-assed fashion before or since.

But my victory came later with the knowledge that Mrs. Duncan was fired from her job and was reduced to teaching the mentally handicapped at another school the next year. (I always thought it was unusually cruel to the handicapped children to make her their teacher.) Emily Howard also went insane the next school year and had to go to some mental hospital to get all sorted out. I suppose she’s still in there.

3. Worst Thanksgiving ever? 1986. My mom didn’t feel like cooking at all for no goddamn particular reason, and so our family had a canned ham, green beans and brunt Pillsbury biscuits for dinner.  I know the holiday is not supposed to be about the food, and that you are supposed to be with your families and all that shit, but at that particular dinner, everybody was pissed off at my mother because she is just very lazy, uncaring, person by nature and she couldn’t be bothered to get off her ass and do things proper for a change. It was the most miserable experience my family had when my mom and dad were married, but that experience still can’t live up to the misery that my step mother puts us through on a regular basis…

4. Best Thanksgiving ever? Hands down, 1996! When my older brother and I  skipped visiting the family in order to spend the holiday with our hero, Steve Usery, and his family.  Remember Steve’s step sister was a nosy sort and was always trying to butt into our business in an upfront manner. Steve, my brother and I, at one point were having a conference, before dinner, about the content of the next issue of our self published humor magazine, Con Mucho. (Which never ended up getting published, by the way.)

One of the features I was working on was a parody on the lameness of newspaper comic strips. The feature itself was a series of different comic strips parodies where the running (and very lame) punchline in each one was: “But I didn’t eat the cake!” So there we were, sat there looking over the material that the each of us were working on individually, when Steve’s step sister walked in and butted her nose in and saw the “Beetle Bailey” parody I had started to draw but hadn’t finished yet and said “Oh, that’s Beetle Bailey!”

Steve took a deep breath and replied coldly: “No, that character’s name is Sergent Snorkel, jareddriskill hasn’t drawn in ‘Beetle Bailey’ yet.” I began to laugh my ass off and Steve’s step sister walked away without saying another word on the matter. I guess you had to be there.

The evening was capped off with a spectacular dramatic ending where Steve’s stepmom (who was well plastered WAY before we had arrived) wanted to go sledding down a very steep hill that ended at the bottom to a busy highway in the dark. Steve, my brother and Steve’s then wife went with her to try to convince her to not do it, meanwhile I was cheering her on in her decision. Much to my dismay, rational reasoning won the day and she did not go sledding down the hill.

jareddriskill

Duran Duran’s Red Carpet Massacre

Duran Duran/ Red Carpet Massacre/Epic Records/ 2007

I’ll admit it in a heartbeat without an ounce of shame or irony in my body, but I have been a diehard Duran Duran fan since the late mid 1980’s ( 1983-ish) and I have stuck with the group through thick and thin over the past 20+ years.  So, I consider myself a self made authority on all things Duran Duran. (I was, I believe, the only person who bought their 1990 album, “Liberty.”)

I’m also not ashamed to admit that the band has been on a creative downward spiral since the groups second self titled release (aka “The Wedding Album”) and not even the prospect of having the original line up on the nostalgic, so-so sounding “Astronaut” album a few years back could bring the group out of their creative decline. Come to think of it, guitarist Andy Taylor never quite fit in with the group anyhow, which is why I wasn’t too upset when he left the group (again!) a short while back.

Another one of my long time dreams for the band, besides for the original line up to reform, was for them to abandon the whole bubble gum pop angle in favor of a more cutting edge electronic rock sound that I knew, deep down in my heart, that they were more than capable of. (Check out the track called” The Chauffeur” on the Rio album, or any of their early 1980’s 12 inch remixes, in case you are in doubt.) But, giving my disappointment with the “Astronaut” album, would another one of my dreams be dashed?

I am proud to announce that with the release of “Red Carpet Massacre,” and I can’t believe I’m uttering these words either, Duran Duran have truly refashioned themselves to be the most cutting edge electronic pop band, like,  ah, ever. Albeit, they do so with a “let’s go to da club” twist. I imagine that “Red Carpet Massacre” would sound great being blared from the speakers in a night club setting. But I’m not the type of person who would go to night clubs, so I wouldn’t know for certain.

Now, I have to admit I was quite scared when I first read that the group were working with Timbaland and Justin Timberlake on three songs and I was correct in my assumption that the three songs they worked on are the weakest on the album, in my opinion. (Not because those three songs suck, but because I could care less about the genre of music they work in.) However, though I loathe to admit it, I do believe the songs they worked on are actually pretty good for that particular style of music. Huh, imagine that! Me actually sort-of liking something that Justin Timberlake has worked on.

jareddriskill

week 31

Hey! I just realized the number of weeks that I’ve been doing the Best of Soul Train reviews corresponds exactly to my current age. (If you are among my faithful reading several, you would know that I had a birthday earlier this week. Which is why this fact had registered with me.) I’ve couldn’t planned this coincidence any better if I had tried. Funny how life works out sometimes.

The fashion key phrase for the Soul Train Gang this week was: “from rags to riches.” I say this because one dude wore a get up in this episode that looked like an uniform that a garbage man would wear and yet another dude dancing not two feet away, wore a highfalutin, copper colored pimp suit. (With a cape, no less!) And as you know, nothing says “fancy” and “high class” like wearing a pimp suit with a cape.

This week’s episode also seemed to be sparely attended by the Soul Train Dancers. Maybe I am correct in my assumption that the one particular Soul Train Gang member I just mentioned was actually an garbage man and he had no time to change and shower before he showed up to the studio that particular week and his body funk drove the other Soul Train Gang members away. You know, these things DO happen sometimes.

Now that I am thinking about it, the garbage man’s body funk probably also affected the quality of dancing (abysmal is the only word that I can think of) on this week’s episode, which featured such hits as “Low Rider” by War, “Survival” by the O’Jays and “I Get High On You” by Sly And The Family Stone. With high energy songs such as these, you can’t blame all that lame dancing I witnessed this week on the choice of songs.

The Soul Train Scramble Board: Issac Hayes! The two hapless Soul Trian Gang members seemed to have a bit of a problem solving the solution to the puzzle this week, meanwhile a song called “Get Your Cream Off The Top” played in the background. I would’ve gotten the name of the artist who performed this song but my roommate was talking when Don Cornelius introduced the song.

This week’s musical guests:

1. BT Express! They were your typical standard by the numbers 1970’s funk group. I can see the check list that the leader of BT Express used when he formed the group right now. It probably went something quite like this:

1.Do you have gold lame outfits with extreme shoulder pads? Check.

2. Do you have a bass player with a deep voice who sings backup? Check.

3. Oh, please tell us that you have a conga player? You just have to have a conga player if you are going to play funk music. Oh yeah, that’s definitely a BIG check right there, buddy.

BT Express played two songs, the first being “Put It In Your Peace Pipe” which had the unique distinction of combining pleas for world peace and descriptions of getting high within the same song. The second song was called “Give It What You Got” which had the flawed self defeatist philosophy of giving it what you got…. until you got to the top, that is. As any student of popular culture would easily tell you, once you get to the top, you have to work even harder just to stay there.

Oh, one more thing about BT Express,  is it me or is that the same Barbra Roy on vocals who was also in the group, Ecstasy Passion And Pain, who were on the show a few weeks back? If so, why wasn’t she playing guitar for BT Express? She really kicks ass on the guitar.

2. The Pointer Sisters! I’m in total disbelief: The Pointer Sisters really had some really hard sounding music back in the day. Jesus! They really knocked me back for a loop. Their first song,”Going Down Slowly” made me and my metal loving roommate step back a bit in awe. Their second song, “I Know You Got a Chick On The Side” made us proclaim that we were not worthy of such hard hitting music. “We’re not worthy!”
But their third song, “I Still Sleep Alone,” was the hardest, cruelest cut of them all. It was a disjointed sounding number that constantly switched musical styles every few bars, like something Frank Zappa would’ve written back in his prime. As you can probably guess, this song totally went over the heads of the average Soul Trian viewer. I’m shocked that this song was even played on Soul Train, not to mention that this song was performed by the Pointer Sisters, of all people. WOW!

However, I won’t even get into the fact that the Pointer Sisters had some terrible choreography on this particular episode. Each and every single one of them was dancing along to their own imaginary beat during their performance. It was awful.

3. Ralph Carter! You might know him better as “Michael” from “Good Times.”  Poor Ralph Carter, there he was: a highly trained and experienced Broadway singer, now reduced to singing the most bubble gum sounding disco music in existance. You can tell that his single, “When You Are Young And In Love,” was beneath his talents, but he did the best he could for all the money that was, undoubtedly, shoved in his face by his agent. Which only goes to show you: never, ever sell out your principles. (Huh, and you’d think that the actor who played a young, tough, black power pouting character on “Good Times” would’ve known this.)

The Soul Train Line: “Fight The Power” by the Isley Brothers!  Hell yeah! I shall never again hear the phrase “kill whitey”  without thinking about the aforementioned guy in the copper colored pimp suit with the cape, doing the robot.

The Don Cornelius Interview gaff of the week: I was really disappointed with old Don this week, he acted like he didn’t give a fuck when he interviewed Ralph Carter and BT Express. He also fumbled a few times when he introduced the songs on this week’s episode and he momentarily lost his train of thought (no pun intended) during his closing spiel.

The real corker, however, was when he interviewed The Pointer Sisters and he asked them if they could “play the song about the guy who has a chick on the side” to which one of the singers replied: “I bet you got one yourself!” Oooh, burn! But don’t worry Don, I will always be there for you, because I’m the most faithful Soul Train fan there is. Despite what those mean old Pointer Sisters had said.

Well, folks, if that didn’t do it for you this week, it just can’t be done. So, on the behalf of Don Cornelius, the Soul Train Gang and myself: love, peace and SOUL!

jareddriskill

rondald Mcdonald house

I was buying my lunch today at my local McDonalds while waiting for my McRib combo ( I love the McRib, why can’t they have it all the time?) I happened to look down at the Ronald McDonald House Coin box in front of the cash register and then I suddenly realized what an awesome scam/tax shelter/ publicity ploy the Ronald McDonald House actually is!

Think about it: here you have a multi-billion dollar corporation (McDonald’s) who runs a charity (Ronald McDonald House,) but instead of using its profits to fund the charity, they fund it by asking for even more money from their customers. Then, the corporation takes all the credit for all the good work that the charity does! Ha ha! The evil republican in me says “that’s what you call a brilliant idea!”

I only wish I had thought of the idea first.

jareddriskill