week 24

Two side notes before I begin this week. First, I noticed on this “latest” set of Soul Train that the “R” and the “A” in the neon sign above the studio set are now both crooked. It looks like whoever manufactured the neon sign accidentally placed those two letters too close together causing them to be all jumbled.

Secondly, this week I did a little experiment to create a “night club atmosphere”  in my bedroom dance floor, (never mind the fact it was two in the afternoon on a Saturday) so I bought a pack of cigarettes (Marlbolo reds, I just couldn’t build up the nerve to buy a pack of Kools or Newports) then lit them up one by one, so that the air in my room would be all smoky and disgusting just like a real night club or bar. Let me tell you, my faithful reading several, this is an experiment that I will never recreate in a million years- it was way too difficult for me to dance and take notes while I was coughing my lungs out.

This episode takes place during the late-ish 1980’s when most of the fashions of that particular decade were the least offensive.  This week the Soul Train Dancers and some guy in a chicken costume danced along to “Take It From Me” by the Commodores, “Curious” by Dawn Allen and a poorly done cover of “Respect Yourself” by Cybill Shepard’s best friend, Bruce Willis. Also this week, we were treated to the music video for “I’m Looking For A New Love” by Jody Watley. (Man, does that song brings back memories of junior high. Yeah, yeah, yeah!)

The Soul Train Scramble Board: Spud Webb, while the Soul Train Dancers shook it to “Save The Best For Me” by one of the members of the prolific DeBarge family. (Back in the day you needed a score card to keep up with the various members of the DeBarge family. Yes, indeed, those were good times.)

This week’s musical guests:

Rose Royce! Wearing matching red leather outfits and having a female lead singer who looked like the actress who played Pam on the old Martin Lawrence sitcom, Martin, Rose Royce worked their way though two songs: “It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way” and “I’ve Been Down That Lonely Road Before.” It wasn’t like that the songs in themselves were bad or anything, but it’s that particular style of music that they played was already ten years out of date when this episode was recorded. Which is funny, because during their interview with Don Cornelius, one of the members said that the one thing that had changed about the band was the fact they had “updated” their sound. Hilarity ensues.

Chico DeBarge!  Back in Junior High, I distinctly recall that most of my peers considered Chico DeBarge as being the epitome of manhood, I thought at the time that they were all insane for this belief. In hindsight, I was correct. Chico looked quite femme and only had a couple of lame stage moves, the main one of which was shuffling from side to side. ( And what was that he was wearing as a shirt- the throw rug from the hotel bathroom floor?) Anyways, he performed his two songs ” Talk To Me” and “I’m In Love With The Girl Next Door” and then, he was quickly forgotten by the pop music establishment.

The Soul Train line: I noticed two things about the Soul Train line segment, the vocals in all the songs they play are mixed down so low that you can barely hear them at all and secondly, I notice that more and more of The Soul Train Dancers are starting to do choreographed group numbers. Not that I am complaining or anything, I’m just telling it how I see it.

Don Cornelius’ interviewing skills are on form this week. I guess he finally started to get all professional about his interviewing skills in the late 1980’s or something.

That ought to do it for a little while, because there is no more show for me to review! So on the behalf of Don Corneilus, The Soul Train Dancers and myself: love, peace and SOUL!

jareddriskill

bionic woman

First off, I am sorry if I had mislead any of you, my faithful reading several, into thinking that you should watch the new Bionic Woman tv show on NBC. ( see the post entitled: “fall tv lineup” for more details. I only watched Bionic Woman because stars Michelle Ryan, who used to play Zoe Slater on Eastenders, and being a die hard Eastenders fan, I felt duty bound to watch. If you aren’t a fan of of Eastenders, or happen to be a fan of good television, you shouldn’t watch Bionic Woman at all.

Taking the only basic premise of the original Bionic Woman ( a average woman with cybernetic limbs) this remake removes the slice of the daily life of a cyborg  and replaces it with  a prominent secret black ops military industrial complex angle, a rouge, evil Bionic Woman for the lead to fight on a weekly basis, snappy groan inducing one liners told in a harsh action movie style whispers, secondary character back stories relayed as bad expositional dialog, cheesy computer graphics, confusing frantic editing during fight scenes, a dead fetus or two thrown in for good measure, ( Nothing says quality entertainment like dead fetuses!) and… Miguel Ferrer, because as we all know, you can’t have a cheese-y action tv show without Miguel Ferrer.

A co-worker of mine also watched Bionic Woman last night and he actually brought up a couple of interesting points about the show that I did not think about while we were at work today. First, Michelle Ryan is actually a good choice for a tv action show lead: she’s sort of cute looking, but not overtly sexy. However, the draw back with her being the lead in Bionic Woman is that Michelle Ryan is a bit too young looking to be taking care of her teenage sister, which took away from any drama revolving the Bionic Woman’s personal home life. Finally, with the addition of the rouge Bionic Woman/secret agent is that you get the feeling that the entire series will turn into a long, drawn out, unnecessarily complex battle of the cyborgs. I hate to say it, but he’s right. Let’s just hope that this series gets the ax soon.

jareddriskill

dreamlog #11

One of my molar teeth was bothering me. So I decided that I should pull it out, but once I did, part of my palate ( the bone that makes up the roof of the mouth) came along with it. Oh my, that’s not good, I thought. Pulling out part of my palate started a chain reaction and more of my teeth began to fall out. Every time I spit these teeth out, it turns out that they only were those wax vampire mouthpieces you could get from a vending machine or as part of a cheap Dracula costume when you were a child. In the meanwhile I kept on debating to myself, “Should I go see a dentist? I mean, I’m only spitting out cheap Dracula teeth.”

jareddriskill

random item tuesday

1. Somehow, don’t ask me how this happened, but I was trapped in a conversation in class the other day with one of my younger classmates about elementary school. I told them that the only thing I miss from those days was the excitement that I got from “chocolate milk day.” The person acted like I was insane, I then preceded to school them on the topic: I told them that, you know, it was the one day a week that we got chocolate milk at lunch instead of regular milk.

Now let it be known, to you, my faithful reading several, that I have always hated the taste of plain old milk, and I always did my best to avoid drinking it all of my life. But chocolate milk day was special- it was the one day of the week that I would actually tolerate the drink with my lunch (it was the wax coating on the paper carton that gave chocolate milk that extra zing) instead of just simply throwing it away.

Moreover, every place that I have ever lived (my dad was in the army, and we moved around ALOT) chocolate milk day at school was always on a seemingly random day of the week. Chocolate milk day was never consistent, like, say every Wednesday was chocolate milk day. So it always came as a surprise. But if chocolate milk day came early in the week, say a Tuesday, I would become depressed at lunch time for the rest of the week because I knew that we would be served regular old milk.

In fact, one of the more tramatic experiences in my childhood involved chocolate milk day.  I was in the first or second grade attending Kasmir S. Polanski Elementary School in Savannah, Georgia. I was in the lunch line all excited because it was chocolate milk day ( it was a Tuesday, as a matter of fact) and then, suddenly they completely ran out of chocolate milk! The lunch lady then brought out a crate of regular nasty milk and then I proceeded to flip my wig. The next thing that I can remember from the incident was that I was in the guidance counselors’ office, laying on a sofa crying my eyes out.

Needless to say, the younger classmate I was speaking to was speechless. I later found out that when they were growing up, their school had chocolate milk everyday! No fucking way! I later did a quick survey of some of my other classmates  and they all said they had chocolate milk everyday for lunch. What the fuck man? Why was my generation denied this marvelous feat? Do you know how many times (147) that I suffered through a school day because I was totally  dehydrated and couldn’t concentrate because I hated the taste of regular milk? I think I should sue somebody, but who?

2. Speaking about wax coatings and flavor, did you know that ever since the Alar cancer scare of 1988/89 that apples and apple juice have not tasted the same to me? When I mention this to people, they think I am insane, but it’s true! I can still tell the difference.

For the faithful reading several not in the know, Alar was a substance used in apple orchards to help preserve apples for their trip to the market, if my memory serves me correct.  But, some study showed that Alar was a carcinogen ( i.e. cancer causing) and bob’s your uncle, there was a resulting apple scare. Apples and apple juice was taken off the market and Alar was banned by the FDA. A few months later, when the non Alar coated apples came to market, they just didn’t taste right to me and I have avoided them as much as possible ever since.

3. Oh, one thing I get tired of every year is that on the first week of fall that there are (seemingly) rational people who complain that it’s still kinda hot outside. As if the change of the season instantly means that the weather is going to change too. Give it a couple of weeks, trust me. Global warming hasn’t really set in yet.

jareddriskill

the new fall tv lineup

Oh yes, fall is in the air, so that means there is a new crop of tv shows ready to rot my brain on ye old idiot box. Here is a list of my favorites so far.

1.The Steve Wilkos Show ( syndictated) It was only a matter of time before Jerry Springer decided to expand his empire beyond his porn/freak show environs and do a spin off talk show starring, Steve, his bald headed head of security. Steve’s show reminds me of a cross between early era Jerry Springer ( 1991-1995) where he genuinely wants to help people, but lacks the ability to do so and the old Morton Downey Jr tv show from the 1980’s where he spends large amount of time in the faces of his guests and threatening to beat them up. Oh, joyus rapture!

2. Judge Davis Young (syndicated.) I normally shun all those Judge shows because the genre has become stale. Normally the Judge shows usually feature some sassy mouthed woman or some tough “I pulled myself up by my boot straps” black male. Affirmative action has never been so boring.

However, Judge David Young has brought a fresh new spin to the genre that I, surprisingly, can’t believe has never been done before: a flamboyantly gay judge. His show’s slogan is : “Justice With A Snap!” A few “don’t go there girls” and singing “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge with his bailiff in the courtroom, and I am hooked. I’m going to settle all my small claims civil disputes through Judge David Young from now on. (Sorry, Judge Mathis, your tough talking ways are no longer “cutting edge” enough for me.)

3. It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia ( FX/Thursday nights @10pm.) The gang are back, along with Danny Devito, for a third season. I have to admit that Danny Devito has brought the quality of the show down a few pegs since he joined the cast for the second season. Because he has such a busy schedule, all of the seasons scripts have to be written and finalized before they start filming, so therefore some of the scripts are just not up to par due to the tight deadline that they have. (Compare the second half of the second season to the superior first half for further proof.) But, I suppose it’s better to have a lower quality It’s Always Sunny than no It’s Always Sunny at all because a lower Quality It’s Always Sunny is better than 99.99% of what’s currently on tv.

4. Bionic Woman ( NBC/ Wednesday nights @9pm.) Technically, this show hasn’t premiered at the time of this writing and I normally don’t watch prime time network tv because that’s when most of the crap is on, but I found out that the star of Bionic Woman is the same actress (Michelle Ryan) who played Zoe Slater on the long running British soap, Eastenders. Being a huge Eastenders fan, I suppose I feel it is my duty to watch the new Bionic Woman, damn it!

jareddriskill

dreamlog #10

Hey, I just now realized that I had misnumbered my dream logs on this website. ha ha! That’s what I get for begin so careless. At least I caught on to it and fixed it before it got too messy…

I dreamt last night that I had acquired an VHS video tape of an obscure late 1950’s  black and white horror film. The film starred an older man who, for some reason beyond his control, seemed to be a emotional punching bag for his family and his co-workers. As the movie progressed the treatment of the older man got worse and worse, the abuse he received had gotten to the point of being horrific physical assualts. The old man was treated worse every time he tried to stand up for himself, so eventually, he learned to turn his anger inward and made a bargain with the devil that wasn’t revealed until the end of the film. Life then continued for the old man, abused and maltreated by the ones who should’ve loved and respected him. Finally, the old man died an undignified death.

His family and friends gathered at his house for a wake and the only regret about his death that they had was that they couldn’t abuse the old man any further. Unbeknownst to the funeral party, the windows and doors to the house were being sealed for eternity by satanic forces. Then the film stock turned from standard black and white into a sepia tone. The funeral party stopped laughing and joking when they saw the reanimated body of the old man with ritualistic scars across his body and glowing red eyes…

jareddriskill

week 23

Thank you WGN for showing the Best of Soul Train at a decent time! I also like to thank one of my faithful reading several, “T,” for pointing this fact out to me. I sure hope you are not the “T” who I am having a cell phone number flame war with. (Please see the post entitled “my cell phone.”) Because that would be awkward…

Hey, WGN even played a Chicago Cubs baseball game before this week’s episode and guess what? They didn’t show an preempted half an episode like WRIC TV 8 would’ve done. So you can go to hell WRIC TV 8, I will never watch your half assed wares ever again. You non showing full episodes of Soul Train bastards!

Oh boy, what an episode to get back into watching full episodes again! This week we were taken back to the very ugly mid 1980’s.  The fashion key phrase for the Soul Train Dancers this week: “a futuristic night on the town.” Imagine a scene from that awful late 70’s /early 80’s Buck Rogers tv show and Buck is forced by the Erin Grey character to go to the “space opera” or some such.  (Yes, it was THAT awful, but with more gold lame and black spandex.) However at the space opera, imagine that instead of some lame DX-7 synthesizer filler music, Buck Rogers is listening to “Point Of No Return” by New Shoes, “Gravity” by James Brown, and “midas Touch” by Midnight Star. Kick ass!

The Soul Train Scramble Board: Leron E Bennett! (I better google him up, because I have no idea who he is/was.) But meanwhile, the Soul Train Dancers shook it to “Word Up” by Cameo.

This week’s musical guests:

Genobia Jeter! Imagine if someone had cloned Anita Baker’s voice, but in the process, they somehow improved upon it tenfold. That, my faithful reading several, is the talent known as Genobia Jeter. I suppose her secular music career (she said she was somewhat successful gospel singer in her interview) didn’t take off because of her unusual name and the A&R guy at her record label couldn’t successfully market her talents despite of it. What a shame, her two songs, “All Of My Love” and “Piece of Mind,” were stunners.

Don Cornelius interviewed Dick Anthony Williams, who was plugging some failed ABC tv drama called “Heart Of The City.”  I suppose the show didn’t make it because “Streethawk” was just a far superior tv show…

Run DMC! They totally schooled the Soul Train crowd with their mad lyrical skills and simplistic black leather jackets. “Hit and Run” was their first song and their second song was “I’m Black y’all/it’s like that y’all” or some such. (I’m sorry- my old school rap knowledge just isn’t up to par.)

The Soul Train Line: I didn’t pay attention to what the song was because Rosie Perez, Run DMC and a stuffed Big Bird doll took over the soul train line this week.

The Don Cornelius  interview gaff of the week. Run DMC took old Don Cornelius to school about their work ethic “yeah, we work hard and love each other” and the future of rap music, “So… you are saying that the rap itself will dictate the future of rap music?” I really felt embarrassed for the poor fella because he was punked so hard, I really did.

That’s about all for y’all this week, so on the behalf of Don Cornelius , the Soul Train Dancers and myself: love, peace, and SOUL!

jareddriskill

dreamlog #9

had a dream I was hanging out with some old friends of mine in the city. There were hints in my dream that some sort of major natural disaster or terror attack had just happened elsewhere in the country because I keep thinking to myself; richmond wouldn’t be a bad place to live… if it were half destroyed. My friends and I then go to a restaurant. I order cheese and broccoli, but I get a bowl of melted cheese and a short tree branch. I complain to the waiter, who informs me that if I break the nacho cheese shell of the tree branch, then I would see the broccoli. That way I can have broccoli with my cheese and also nacho chips. It’s not a bad idea, really, I must remind myself to trademark the idea later on today.

Another part of my dream, the surviving members of the group Brainiac, decided to get together and write new material. I show up to their practice space and see that they are having all sort of song writing issues. One song I suggested that they should play with a “reggae rhythm.” I immediately went off to hang myself because I hate reggae.

jareddriskill

“down” by The Jesus Lizard

The Jesus Lizard/ Down/Touch and Go Records /1994

I’d be the first to admit that I wasn’t a true hipster back in the day (early 1990’s) and that I first heard of the Jesus Lizard was through Nirvana, a band that I had a (thankfully) brief fleeting morbid curiosity with when Kurt Cobain killed himself. I had bought the Jesus Lizard/Nirvana split single ( “puss” b/w “oh, the guilt”) and hearing the Jesus Lizard for the first time instantly destroyed what little faint interest I had left in Nirvana. (Kurt Cobain the voice of a generation my ass, the whining motherfucker had zero talent as far as I was concerned. Hell, he even flubbed his first suicide attempt in Rome!) After that single, I was a die hard Jesus Lizard fan, and I quickly bought up their entire back catalog.

Which brings me to “Down,” the only Jesus Lizard album, as it shortly turned out, that I had bought new. If one ever wanted to get a metaphorical sense of what the Jesus Lizard had sounded like, one only has to be pointed to the cover of this album, which is a painting of a horizon over an empty ocean scape. In the foreground is a upside down white and brown dog falling into the said ocean. The dog has his head pointing downward, defiantly snarling. You get a sharp spasm of shock when you realize that the dog knows he will die in a few moments in the endless ocean below but he’s going down fighting, even in the face futility. Never before has there ever been such an accurate depiction of life in urban America.

The music sounds just as unrelenting. Throbbing rhythmic bass lines, pounding war drums, guitar lines that sound sharp and angular and aimed directly for the jugular and lets not forget the terrified muffled screamed vocals of David Yow that continued haunt you in your sleep. Songs were played with either  a slow, deliberate swamp stomp like quality ( such the instrumental “Low Rider”) or a lurching, spastic  frenzy (“queen for a day” which foretells of the Clinton whitehouse sex scandal several years before the fact, albeit with a transsexual twist. )

Like most things in life, I knew that the Jesus Lizard were just too good to last.  Shortly after “down” was released they signed a record deal with Captiol records which caused a unmendable rift in the long standing working relationship between the band and recorder/ producer Steve Albini, then drummer Mac McNeilly left their ranks, thereby delivering the final blow that destroyed perfectly working intricate machinery that was the Jesus Lizard. I just couldn’t listen to their new material with the same zeal that I had before.

In retrospect, the cover of this album was also symbolic about the fate of the band, a warning to diehard fans that this was it. And that’s not good.

jareddriskill

random item tuesday

1. I have an update on the “T” wrong cell phone number story ( see the post entitled “my cell phone” for more details.) Not 20 minutes after I first posted the story on this very website, I get a call on my cell phone from a number that I hadn’t blocked yet. On the other line was “T” himself. ( gasp!)

He claimed that my phone number was the phone number for his voice mail box and “demanded” to know that if he had gotten any messages in the past few days. I informed him that yes, indeed, that his idiot friends were blowing up my phone, but I had told them all that he was faggot and that he can forget depending on their friendship in the future. Besides, I had this phone number first and that he better get his shit straight in the future, bitch.  After this conversation, all the wrong number phone calls had stopped coming to my phone.

Success!

2. The city of Richmond is a total joke. My house received a flyer from the city in the mail last week outlining how the city will be “revitalized” through some simple steps. (On the list of things included that were going to be change “for the better” such as making all streets two way streets and making the James River the focal point of the city) I noticed that nothing about the severe lack of parking, deterring crime and doing something about the exploding homeless population was outlined or addressed anywhere in this plan.

Hmmm. Nobody wants to go to a place where there is  little or no parking, just to be hassled to death for “change” by the homeless and/or getting mugged/murdered by some crack head while you are enjoying your visit there. Sounds like THE perfect evening of family entertainment to me…

As for the plans outlined in the flyer, I believe that the two way street idea is an horrible one, as some of the streets are too narrow as it is. As for making the James river the focal point of the city, doesn’t anybody remember the whole River Walk debacle from about ten years ago? That was a rosuing success, not only there was heightened racial tensions because city planners had the audacity to have a picture of General Robert E. Lee on the River Walk, but nobody came to visit because the James River is just plain ugly to look at. Today, the River Walk is the point in the city where all the murderers dump all their dead bodies into the river.

If Richmond really wants to turn things around for the city, they should seriously think about adopting the “broken window policy” that New York City instituted under Mayor Giuliani. (i.e. actually doing something about vandalism, the homeless, drugs and crime.) But that will never happen because Giuliani is an republican and as we all know that nothing good has ever come from an republican. Even when their ideas actually work.

3. My sister has decided to throw her towel in this blog-o-sphere business. If you happen to like my rantings, you will no doubtedly enjoy hers. Please check her out at http://www.sarahdriskill.wordpress.com.

She informs me that she won’t post as much as me, but if we check her site out in large enough numbers, maybe we can shame her into posting on a semi regular basis.

jareddriskill