dreamlog #7

I dream a whole stream of bad Little Britain comedy sketches, probably because I am currently watching series 3 on DVD. The most interesting dream sketch was of a new character, Philip who is a middle aged, failed musician who still tries to get his “big break” in the most inopportune situations. The role of Philip is played by David Walliams.

In this sketch which takes place on the “Trisha” set, (Trisha is Britain’s answer to both Oprah and Jerry Springer, if you didn’t already know.) Matt Lucas plays a 13 year old girl ( not named) who, despite past tragedies, has somehow organized a charity album of her favorite bands for the victims of childhood sexual abuse.

Trisha takes comments from the audience, of course, “Philip” is the first person make a comment.

Philip:(London accent) Er, ah, I was wondering if it’s not too late for me to contribute a track for the charity album?” ( Pulls out a an acoustic guitar that he carries around all the time.)

Matt Lucas: Yeah, as a matter of fact, it is.

Philip: (Disappointed) Oh, because I had two songs I wanted to contribute. ( now obliviously ad libbing) Yeah, er, ah, “please” and, ah , er… “stop?”

Well, I suppose it IS better than yet another one of those dreadful “Lou and Andy” sketches…

jareddriskill

Julia’s story

We were so young and in love. Of course, like any other young couple in love, we thought that our love wasn’t understood by the world at large, who we believed was plotting to tear us apart. Looking back in hindsight, the fact is that the world just didn’t care.

It was Roman who suggested that we had to make an bold statement about the “solidness of our undying love” to the world. I thought it was great idea: it was a real big “fuck you” to those who, we believed, wanted to see us apart.  So on the planned day and time we both wrote long, pretentious suicide notes about our “undying love” and left them behind for our families to find when our joined bodies were found, then we took an industrial sized bottle of bleach along with us to the hill overlooking our hometown of Walford. We both quickly shared the contents of the bottle and embraced as we threw ourselves off the cliff.

Only Roman made it down to the busy interstate highway below where he was killed by an oncoming SUV. I became dislodged from Roman about 20 feet down on a tree branch. Which broke my neck, paralyzing me from the waist down.

I still can’t believe that we were such pretentious assholes…

disturbing trend

I noticed a disturbing trend on campus this past week. There is an unusually disproportionate high number of students walking around with casts, slings, bandages and on crutches. What the fuck have they all been doing this past summer to get injured?

Case in point: I ran into one very minor acquaintance on campus with her arm wrapped up like The Mummy and with all sorts of weird looking sores and abrasions on her face. It turns out she was trapped in a fire a short while ago. Wow. That really puts all of my “problems” such as the local tv station preempting Soul Train in perspective…

jareddriskill

random item tuesday

1. I have finally, after many years, obtained a copy of “Everything ( A Book About Manic Street Preachers)” by Simon Price. I’ve always been a fan of the band and only knew about scattered bits and pieces of their history, but to finally read their entire unusual history in one huge chunk: my god, it’s amazing.

If you ever think that you have it hard or that life is getting you down, just think that The Manics have been through tens times worse and have persevered. Let that be a lesson to you when think the world is out to get you because your local 7-11 happens to run out of bottle orange juice in the morning…

2. Speaking of petty arguments… I noticed that there is big debate here on campus about which social networking website is better: Myspace or Facebook? Shockingly, to me at least, supporters on each side are unusually violently passionate about their website of choice.

I had, at one time, accounts on both sites (mainly to talk to members of my family and a few personal friends) and I can see the advantages and drawback to both sites. However, I gave up on Facebook because it’s mostly for college aged people and most people I know graduated from college at least 10 years ago, so there were few people for me to speak to on there. Myspace’s only advantage over Facebook is that you can listen to music from your favorite artists for free. But I hate those semi pornographic ads for dating websites you have to sit through. So I say they both suck.

3. The fall semester has just started and is it me, or all of these fresh faced, straight-from high-school college students look like they are 8 years old and, therefore unattractive to me? (No, I don’t want to date you, I can’t get over the fact that I was in high school when you were still shitting in your pampers!)

This got me to thinking about older men who think that college-aged girls are the best looking in the world. Several of my co-workers are like this. (One of whom is a registered sex offender for guess what: statutory rape.) To me, I think this shows an insecurity on the behalf of the men whom are unable and/or afraid to deal with a mature woman because they are, mentally, still 13 years old. What a sorry fucking way to live your life.

jareddriskill

first annual Richmond hip hop summit

Several weeks ago, somebody contacted through e-mail inviting me to the first annual Richmond Hip Hop Summit which was the culmination of the UNIA-ACL #456 sponsored Black Freedom Weekend event.

(I suppose they invited me of my Soul Train reviews, but they must’ve neglected to read the rest of the website where they would’ve found out that A: I’m white. B: I could care less about the musical genre known as Hip Hop. I was going to reject the invitation until I realized A: there was great potential for humor to be had for this website if I went. B: The special invited guest was none other than Afrika Bambaattaa of the Soul Sonic Force!)

So late Sunday morning, I showed up ten minutes early to the venue where this event was to take place and the doors were locked. In fact, there was no body there. I waited for five minutes and decided to leave. ( Yes, I double checked and indeed that I was at the right place and date and time.) You’d think for an organization that wants to tear down stereotypes about African Americans, that they would at least hold an event at the time it was advertised. (How tacky!) So instead, I went to the local hipster record shop and bought a book about the design aesthetic of the record sleeves from the old Factory records label.

But if the event indeed when down at the time advertised, I imagine it going down like this: I imagined that several local underground artist, local politicians, Afrika Bambaataa and what not were in agreement in complaining that Hip Hop culture is too vulgar, materialistic and not lyrically positive enough to be good role models for African American youth. And that hip hop artists should harken back to the good old days when hip hop and R&B were more positive.

Which is all well and good, but why should the modern vulgar hip hop artist be motivated to change because you said so? It’s simple economics. If vulgar and materialistic hip hop is what sells, then they are fulfilling a need in the market. If there was a large demand of positive hip hop, alot of artists would switch over if they want to sustain their careers. So the onus of change is based squarely on the shoulders of the hip hop consumer, you are going have to change their tastes from vulgar hip hop to positive hip hop. Having more Black Freedom Weekend-like events is a start, but it has to be more than a once a year thing. Also, holding these events on the time they are advertised would be helpful too.

Also, I have to argue the point that things were “better” back in the day. Historically, black music has always had a vulgar and materialistic side going back to the days of the blues and jazz. ( Cab Calloway had songs about smoking pot back in the 30’s and 40’s, for example) But what I think the panel believes is that hip hop artists are more straight up and up front about their vulgarness and materialism than their fore-bearers ever were. (Maybe they are jealous because they weren’t allowed to be so “straight up” back in the day?)

Think about it.

jareddriskill

dream log #6

My landlord wanted to install one of those Rennai endless hot water heaters in the house. ( Why? it’s not like we run out of hot water with our regular hot water heater?) Being the HVAC professional, I am selected to install one in the house. But we hit a snag, we need a exterior wall to hang the unit that has sufficient clearance in order to pass the local building codes. But there isn’t a space anywhere on the house and besides, the house is constantly shifting and morphing making it a rather impossible task. But my landlord is insistent on having the Rennai endless hot water heater…

Oh, I so do need a vacation!

jareddriskill

week 19

Those damnable fools at WRIC TV 8, showing another useless Redskins preseason football game. (This week, they were playing the even more useless Ravens.) Of course, the game goes long and guess what program gets preempted? That’s right, Soul Train. Never mind the fact WRIC has the lowest rated local news or plays an episode of the Sheild before Soul Train or an episode of the classic Star trek afterwards, I don’t see why one of those programs doesn’t get shortened, especially Star Trek. (If you are going to stay up till 3 in the morning on a Saturday watching Star Trek, odds are that you’ve seen every episode at least 50 times.)

Also, this week to add to my displeasure, some of my fuck up college aged neighbors decide to hold a keg party at which a thousand uninvited guest decided to crash. So in order to hear this week’s episode of Soul Train I had to press my ear against my tv speaker, which was hardly conducive to dancing on my specially made Soul Train dance floor.

This weeks shortened episode opened in the middle of the music video for Hall and Oates smash hit, “Out Of Touch.”

This weeks epsidoe takes place in the mid 1980s where teh fashion terror known as the 1980’s was in full effect. Also This episode takes place on the “new’ Soul Train set which lasted from 1983/4 till 1993, when Don Cornelius retired as the host. But hey- I noticed that the “new” two tiered Soul Train neon sign logo above the set, that the “R” in Train looked crooked.

Teena Marie did her first song, a duet with Ronnie McNair(sp?) that I could barely hear because the party next door got a little too rowdy. The second song, in which she performed with a full band, was her smash hit: “Lover Girl.” You gotta love Teena Marie, she tries SO hard to fit in with her intended listening audience, being a white girl from the beach and all, that her efforts to fit in becomes downright comical.

Because of the shortened episode, us folks in Richmond only caught Whodini’s second song, “Friends.” I’m sure they played “The Freaks Come Out at Night” as their first song if my limited early rap history is correct.

The Soul Train Line: “Operator” I think the song was called but again the party next door was reaching it’s crescendo as someone ( I wonder who?) called the police to break it up.

No Don Cornelius interview gaff this week because I missed out on his interviews. ( Again!) Please remember to write webmaster@wric.com and lodge an complaint.

That oughta hold you until next week (it’s going have to!) In parting, on the behalf on Don Cornelius, The Soul Train Dancers and myself: Love, peace and SOUL!

jareddriskill

friday night/saturday morning

Friday. Got my rather sizable student grant check in the mail. I wanted to go crazy for one night and live like a king, complete with a throne surrounded by fresh fruit and holding a big roasted turkey drum stick in my meaty paw while I shout obscenities to the court jester, but no one I know wanted to answer their cell phone. ( In fact, none ever answers when I try to call them.) Instead, I got all practical and bought a cheap new pair of shoes at the Petersburg, Virginia wal mart because my old ones were being held together by super glue and duct tape. Woo-hoo! I do party SO hard!

While shopping at wal mart, I noticed that every dog faced, hill billy inbred fuck in the world seemed to be shopping at this particular wal mart at the same time as me. I was both depressed because of the company I now seem to keep and elated because I know that I am better human being than “uncle grandpa” could ever be. even with his extra 4 chromosomes!

My dad regaled me with details from his recent trip to Paris, France. He says everything he had heard about the place is false. The people weren’t rude or worshipped Jerry Lewis. The food was “just okay” and the city didn’t smell like a deathly combination of Clove cigarettes, rancid cheese and dog shit. However, I was most disappointed because my dad did not honor his promise to me before he left and neglected to throw a small jar of hydrochloric acid on the Mona Lisa. Maybe next time.

Saturday Morning: Another hot ass summer day helping my dad doing yard work at his house. I realized while weed eating a ditch that I like doing yard work because I have a fetish (for lack of a better word) for transforming yards from an overgrown shaggy mess into immaculately manicured perfection. Also, yard work provides for me an easy excuse for not socializing with people, which appeals to my inner sociopath.

Saturday morning ends with lunch time, this week I went to an Applebee’s for the first time ever. I don’t see why this is a popular chain of restaurants because I though the food there was bland. However, Applebee’s is the first restaurant that lives up to it’s slogan “The Neighborhood Bar and Grill.” The wait staff seemed to ignore me just like the people in my own neighborhood. How did they know?!?!

jareddriskill

back to school

ah, My first day back in school. I have always viewed my first day of any school year/first day in a new school/semester with trepidation. Although my fears have always turned out unfounded. I don’t know why I think like this is because I recall that my first day of kindergarten as being non traumatic. Actually going to kindergarten seemed like an relief at the time.

I remember back when I was 3 or 4 years old when I had wanted to go to school with my older brother because the thought of staying at home with my mother seemed unbearable. So the night before, I laid out my clothes and I packed a big clear plastic bag with pencils, paper and an issue of “The Fury Of Firestorm” to read during free time. The next morning I woke up, got ready and I cried and cried when my parents said I could not go to school with my brother. I remember running up to my bedroom and laying on the bottom bunk, crying my eyes out while intermittently looking at the cover of “The Fury Of Firestorm” which seemed to mock me from it’s plastic bag prison on the bedroom floor.

Oh, those were truly happy days…
jareddriskill

dream log #5

I was back at the hotel/restaurant I used to work at before I got into the HVAC trade. I don’t know how I ended up working there again, but I kept thinking to myself : “I need to get back to my real job doing the HVAC thing” I was about to walk out the door when some manager type guy I have never seen before told me “jareddriskill, you are such a hard worker and we want you to come back in the fold. So Mr. Patel ( the owner of the place I used to work at that I was dreaming about) told me that if you tell me how much you want to be making an hour so that you’ll be happy working here again, that I’m supposed to make it happen.”

I immediately snapped back: “I want 20 dollars and hour and I want you to guarantee that I will get 40 hours week  and no over time.” I said this only because I knew they couldn’t fulfill the obligation and besides, I didn’t want to go back to work over there.  The manager guy said he had to talk to Mr Patel and ran off.

I was about to walk out the door again when Mr Patel showed up and he was angry about my demands. “Are you insane? There’s no way I can pay you 20 dollars an hour! How about I pay you 9 dollars an hour?”  I laughed in his face and said “Dude, the manager guy said I could name my price and I did. If you can’t pay me 20 dollars an hour… well, I guess I’m walking!”

Mr Patel just stood there stuttering to himself and so, I left.

jareddriskill